"Judgement from Outer Space"

"I am a prisoner, and thanks to you, they have my belt and my lasso. So I am as helpless as you."

This could be bad

"Judgement from Outer Space" is all about Wonder Woman trying to convince an alien to not blow up the earth.  At this task, she succeeds... But only after a series of failures that might make a different alien wonder if such a clumsy woman is really up to the task of defending a whole planet.  It's a fine series of episodes, altogether, with a few great scenes of peril and a general theme of helplessness for our heroine.

What makes "Judgement" especially tasty for at least one viewer is the saga's villain.  A Nazi spy masquerading as an American reporter, "Bjornsen" ends up being one of the trickiest foes in the history of the show.  He is able to carry out his vile operation right under the noses of the American military, and after he captures Andros, the aforementioned alien, he brings the Third Reich desperately close to victory.  Oh, and he twice beats America's greatest superheroine without even trying very hard.  There's a nonchalance, a quietness to Bjornsen's tactics that contrasts nicely with Wonder Woman's general loudness-- in her choice of wardrobe, in her fighting style, in her speeches about democracy-- a strategy that allows him to both knock her out and, in a real coup d'etat, steal her magic belt.

The bracelets don't help much with gas, sadly

The two opposites don't meet as their "real" selves into well into Part One of "Judgement."  Up till that point, most of Wondey's scenes involve dealing with Steve and dealing with Andros.  Though these are not particularly, uh, exciting sequences, they do contain their share of, let us say, implied delights for Wonder Woman peril fans.  From the moment Andros and Wonder Woman meet, there's both a sense of understanding as well as real tension.  Wonder Woman realizes that Andros is the real deal, and speaks to him in a guarded, nervous way that is uncharacteristic for our heroine.  And for his part, Andros quickly sees through the facade that is "Diana Prince."  Shortly after Andros is first attacked by Nazis, he lets Diana know that he knows what she knows:

Diana: "Are you all right?  I notified the police."
Steve: "It's okay, Diana.  It's all over.  We had a little help from Wonder Woman."
Andros [staring at Diana]: "Yes, it's fortunate that Wonder Woman was so close at hand.  Isn't it, Yeoman Prince?"
Diana [look of worry]: "Yes it was... Very fortunate."

Wonder Woman meets her new butty.  I mean "buddy."

This somewhat awkward encounter leads to a long talk with Andros and Wondey regarding humans and earth and blah blah blah.  Government positions on Andros flip-flop, Bjornsen moves closer into the interior circle of the military... The plot moves along.  Then, finally, both Diana and Bjornsen learn that Andros has stationed himself at the Library of Congress.  And it is here, of all places, that Wonder Woman first gets herself in major trouble.

Bjornsen and a team of Nazi thugs move to apprehend Andros.  Diana, on top of it as always, spins into her alter ego and jumps, literally, into action.  She swiftly uses an arsenal of flips and throws to dispatch the henchmen.  Bjornsen, sensing he is outmatched, retreats to the far side of the library, compelling Diana to just fucking RUIN American history and topple a series of bookcases over like priceless, irreplaceable dominoes.  Bjornsen tries the door, but it's locked, and can only watch as Diana walks confidently over the fallen book shelves and move in for the kill...

This shot might be worth more than all of that ruined priceless literature

...But just as Diana gets within a yard of Bjornsen, the Nazi shows his resourcefulness.  The triumphant "Wonder Woman!" theme dies as Bjornsen pulls a small gun from his jacket and fires a gas bullet at our heroine's feet.  Caught completely off guard, Diana can only raise her arms and cry out in terror.  The gas instantly overwhelms her, and when it clears, a coughing, half-conscious Wonder Woman falls ass backwards to the floor.  She's out!

Almost got him.  Almost.

Bjornsen and his men all find their bearings and escort Andros off the premises, leaving Wonder Woman in an adorable unconscious bundle on the floor of the Library of Congress.

This is one hell of a knockout scene, even if some of the individual shots are unfortunately, well, ill-advised (the potential "money shot" of Wondey falling to the ground is obscured by both the fallen bookcases and the "frame" of the aliens' space viewer (Andros' friends watch the whole sad show go down on LIVE TV!  Wow!)).  It's a classic "tables turned" scenario: Wonder Woman shows up, ready to kick ass.  Never suspecting any kind of challenge, she proceeds to mow down a few henchmen.  But once our heroine encounters a foe with more than a pea-brain, she is almost immediately and very definitively defeated.  That defeat scene is particularly memorable, with Lynda's reaction shot played to perfection, and the final zoom-in on the unconscious Wonder Woman almost unbearably sexy.

Awww

"Fifteen minutes" after this defeat, reinforcements for the good guys show up.  Medics carry Wonder Woman off the premises on a stretcher (her body is sadly covered with a sheet).  We're told she's near DEATH-- the gas was a poison-- and she's appropriately shown to the hospital.  The next time we see her, she's resting in a chair.  Her Amazonian powers have been able to neutralize the poison, but she's still weak.  She talks to Steve about what went down.  Of Bjornsen, she mumbles, "He must have had this very carefully planned out.  Including the escape."  She seems to be referring here to her own defeat.  It's great to hear, but I think she could afford to be just a little more self critical, don't you?  Bjornsen's "escape" from Wondey was based on little more than a gas gun.  That doesn't seem like much planning, and I wonder if Wonder Woman isn't exaggerating just a little bit to excuse the ease with which she was knocked out.

Ever the trooper, Wonder Woman insists on going out to look for Andros' spaceship.  She springs to her feet, but cannot take a step before she gives a slight sigh and stumbles into Steve's arms.  "Careful, careful," he says.  "I'm alright," she responds.  Neither we nor Steve believe her.  "You can't go!  You've been poisoned!" he offers.  "Steve," she intones, weakly, "I'm going... To find... the spacecraft myself.  I'm alright."

It seems as if Wondey is more than a little perturbed about her prior failure.  So back out into the world she goes.  She locates Andros' spaceship, and is able to "whistle" her way inside.  But a security system goes off!  Loud noise!  Ahh!  The final shot in Part One is of Wonder Woman holding her head and giving out a silent yell.  Will Wondey be able to figure out Andros' ship?

That looks... Painful

We jump to "Judgement" Part Two and the answer is, well, yeah.  Though the invisible walls and crazy sounds put our heroine in a bit of distress, Wonder Woman eventually makes contact with Andros' alien pals.  "Two weeks later," Yeoman Prince learns of where Andros is being held.  Wonder Woman takes off to Germany to rescue humanity's hope from the Nazi interrogation center.

Does this sound familiar?  Andros is in trouble and doesn't know it.  Wonder Woman is speeding to the rescue.  It's nearly identical to the Library situation in "Part One."  The parallels continue when, while Andros is being wined and dined by his Nazi abductors, our heroine busts into the center, "Wonder Woman!!!" theme song blaring.  She breaks down the doors, flips a Nazi, and rushes to Andros.  "C'mon, I'll get you out," she says.

Christ, woman... Look behind you!

Andros doesn't come, though.  The Nazis move in.  Wonder Woman initially pays them mind, but soon is consumed by Andros' conversation.  He insists that the Nazis are no different than America's Republicans and Democrats.  Eager to convinced Andros otherwise, Wonder Woman ignores her foes, who have begun to surround her.  Seeing an opportunity, a woman Nazi lunges at Wonder Woman, grabbing her by the arm.  Our heroine, not quite surprised by this sneak attack, turns around, grabs her foe my the arms, and pushes her away.

Not too much of a challenge...

The Nazis behind Wonder Woman now see THEIR opportunity.  As she stands with her butt facing the camera, a different Nazi snatches her by each arm.

...But there is strength in numbers.

She resists slightly, but not enough: hardly a second passes before a hand takes Wonder Woman's belt with an ultra-satsfying velcro RIPPPPPP.  The camera pulls back to reveal who else but Bjornsen now in control of our heroine's most significant power items.

There...

...And gone!

Wonder Woman is, as you can imagine, more than a little worried about this sudden turn of events.  Her looks of fear as the Nazis wrangle her in place are priceless: very rarely do we see our heroine in such a state of utter helplessness.

And that's when it hits her.

She can only look back and forth, from Bjornsen to Andros, in disbelief.  With her free hand (the other is locked securely in Nazi grip) she touches her now beltless waist.  How did Bjornsen know about her power source?  Has he been consulting the "Fausta" file?  We are not told.  But, once again, his simple cunning is able to easily outwit Wonder Woman's door-busting bluster.  He steps back and points his gun at his newly depowered foe.

"Hmm... Something's missing..."

"You are an honored guest," he says to Andros.  "And you," he says, grinning at our heroine, "Are are very different kind of guest."  Wonder Woman manages a kind of glare as her Nazi captors hold her arms in place.  Bjornsen smiles.  "Take them away."

Wonder Woman gives us one really nice head thrash-- a final bit of struggle from a heroine who knows she's in deep-- before the Nazis easily turn her around and direct her through the interrogation center.  She and Andros leave the room and Bjornsen, who looks at Wondey's power items-- belt and lasso-- with curiosity.

I don't think that's going to work.

In the next scene, Bjornsen and the Nazis discuss their new captive.  They don't say anything too interesting, though, at least not compared to the next scene, where the powerless Wonder Woman and the powerless Andros talk for real.  Again, they go back and forth about the differences between Americans and Nazis.  If for nothing else, this scene is great for the shots of Lynda's beltless waist.  But it also has a few bits of juicy dialogue like the italicized portion above.  Bjornsen and his scientist pal look on in delight.  "I want nothing, nothing to happen to her," the scientist says.  "Well," responds Bjornsen, "I will be careful."

Opportunities wasted

And so he is.  Too, too fucking careful.  An opportunity for great fun with a helpless heroine is spoiled here.  No scene after these in any way measures up to what's come before.  The Nazis, in other words, lose their nerve.  For some reason, they refuse to even shackle up their star-spangled captive: she and Andros are free to walk all over the center.  There is a nice shot of Wondey's power items laid out on a Nazi table.  At one point, she is slightly menaced by a Nazi when she is separated from Steve.  I guess all of this is kind of fun: Wonder Woman being carted around here and there, her items a total mystery to the Nazis, etc.  When Bjornsen can no longer take any more of Andros' talk, he demands that the Nazis "START ON HER!." i.e. do harm to Wonder Woman (our heroine strikes half a fighting pose in response).  It's not a total loss, but one does wish we could get the kind of "Wondey in Nazi territory" bondage that we get in, say, "Fausta."  One also wishes that Bjornsen would show the kind of casual ingenuity that has allowed him to defeat his foe TWICE in one story.  Alas...

I should be grateful.  "Judgement from Outer Space" is probably one of the most perilous tales for Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman.  The whole gamut is run-- from knockouts to manhandling to de-belting and general distress-- and is truly makes me question Andros' final assessment of Wonder Woman.  Shouldn't the real "hope for humanity" be able to see a bit of gas coming?  Or be able to prevent a couple of thugs from de-powering her?  Maybe.  But maybe this flawed woman, this Blunder Woman, is exactly the sort of heroine we humans deserve.

RATING: 9/10

"The Bushwhackers"

"Those rustlers are dangerous."

Indeed.  You wouldn't think a buncha good ol boys would give Wonder Woman trouble-- she fights NAZIS for a living-- but in "The Bushwhackers," our heroine certainly learns a thing or two about messing with Texas.  While it's hardly a peril-fest for Diana, it is one of three episodes when her belt of power is taken, which alone would make it more than worthwhile.  What's especially great in this case is how both heroine and villain react during said de-belting sequence... We'll get to that in a second.

They say everything's bigger in Texas...

The plot is wacky.  Wonder Woman follows Steve to Texas to take care of some cattle rustlers.  She meets some kids and cuteness ensues.  This all might be kind of intolerable, but there are a few key scenes prior to the de-belting that bear noticing.  The first of these occurs at the ranch, when Wonder Woman-- dressed formally, in her Roy-Rogers-approved white pants and red top combo (still pretty sexy, if you ask me)-- is talking to the kids about her superpowers.  She's clearly having a great time, even when a girl asks her a pretty loaded question: "What about your magic belt?  What is it's secret?"

"Well if I told you that," Wonder Woman says,  "It wouldn't be a secret, would it?"

Diana trusts some kids with her biggest secret.  Hmm...

She DOES, however, proceed to tell them what I consider to be, well, important information: that the belt is her source of strength when she's away from Paradise Island.

This ends up being a mistake.  Because one of the kids has a line to the cattle rustlers.  And that kid, in the second important pre-de-belting scene, spills the beans to the villains.  "Steve Trevor's got Wonder Woman helping," he says.

"Don't worry about that," the bad guy responds, "We'll take care of her... First thing we have to find out is... Where does Wonder Woman get her strength from?"

Well, somewhere along the line, they do find out.  We don't actually see this conversation.  But the first time the rustlers meet up with our heroine, they know EXACTLY what to do.  And this leads to one of the all-time great peril scenes of the series.

The encounter.  Note how in this shot, the belt already appears to be coming off.

Wonder Woman is out riding her horse. Everything seems peaceful.  Suddenly, a patrol car drives behind her, siren blaring.  As the soundtrack kicks into a funky groove (almost as if it's gonna launch into a cry of "Wonder Womannnn," though, as we'll see, that would be highly inappropriate here), the car pulls off of the road and in front of our heroine's horse.  The horse rears up as the rustlers get out of the car.  "Down Wonder Woman, whoa, easy," they say, talking to her like an animal.  In a panic, the horse collapses, taking one rustler and Wonder Woman down with it.  "Go get her boy!" The man starts hooting and hollering.  By the time Diana is back on her feet, so it the downed rustler.  Meanwhile, the other rustler has crept up behind her.  As soon as Wonder Woman gets in a fighting pose, gritting her teeth, ready to kick ass, this second rustler already has his hands around her.

"Too close for comfort, Wonder Woman?"

The camera zooms in.  Before Wonder Woman can make a move, the second rustler has ripped her belt from her waist!

NOOOOOOOOO

Her face forms almost a look of pain as he draws back from her-- there's a barely audible gasp on the soundtrack here, that might be a cry of distress-- waving his new present around.  "Lose something?  Come and get it!" he gloats.  "Put her in the car!"

Diana beginning to understand what normal woman life is like

Now the camera zooms out again.  We see that the first rustler has Diana in his grip.  She struggles mightily against him, twisting her body, baring her teeth, stepping around, but to no avail.  And then the second rustler says it all, "It's like what you said, Walt!  Without her magic belt, she's just another woman!"  Though Wonder Woman makes a real effort to fight back, she is fairly easily turned around and jammed into the backseat of the car.  Quickly, the rustlers toss away the belt and lasso, jump in the car and drive away.  As they speed off, we can see our heroine's tiara in the back seat bouncing around, suggesting she is still struggling to break free.

Manhandling the likes of which our heroine rarely sees

This is a special sequence, one that demands to be watched again and again for all its little nuances.  The most important thing to me, of course, is the way Lynda Carter reacts.  She is absolutely perfect here.  Just look at the way her face and body language show her shifting mood.  When she's first attacked, she is as you'd expect: confident.  She's clearly been taken off guard by these unknown foes, but there's no suggestion in the way she gets ready to fight that she's at all worried about being defeated.  Why should she be... She has superpowers.  What she doesn't have, of course, is the knowledge that these seemingly easy-to-beat rustlers know what the source of her superpowers is.  Hence, the next shift in mood.  When Wonder Woman's belt is ripped off (and really, dramatically RIPPED... this sort of thing doesn't even happen in "Fausta"), there is an immediate look of shock.  She knows what has happened, and what it means for her super abilities.  The "o" face she makes during the act itself might even be unique to the series: I don't know if ever Wonder Woman has been caught so helpless, at least in a state of complete consciousness.

That helpless face is not very heroic, though, so it changes, once again.  The look Wonder Woman gives her attackers now is one of defiance, of hatred.  This changes again, subtly, as she looks down and tries her hardest to break free of the rustlers' grip.  This look of intense focus is so nice when contrasted with her utter inability to do ANYTHING about her fate.

That's one happy rustler

The speed and intensity of this brief encounter is also interesting to me.  It seems like as soon as the rustlers figure out about Wonder Woman's belt, they're off to go get her.  They show no hesitation it all in their approach, and once they've got Wonder Woman off her horse, their precision in snatching the belt and then putting her in the car is ruthless.  The poor lady hardly has a chance here: she's outnumbered and out-of-her-element, made to look even, gasp, slow against the dead-on focus of her foes.

Basically, this scene shows Wonder Woman losing a fight, and badly.  By the end of it, she's not even a superheroine: just another woman.  There are many sequences where Diana is put in a trap-- she's gassed by the Baroness, and Fausta'ed by Fausta-- and a few where superior strength or numbers are able to temporarily subdue her-- Gargantua bearhugs her real good, and the Skrill even gets a chance to SLAP HER across the face-- but this might be the only time in the show where Wonder Woman is approached by baddies and just straight-up defeated.

The "rustler plan" for defeating Wonder Woman simple but effective.  Make it seem like you don't know anything about her powers.  Then, ambush her and surround her.  Once you're close enough, go straight for the belt... Which apparently is fastened with velcro and quite easy to pull off.

In her jail cell / Fighting not so well

This epic capture sequence is followed by even more humiliation for our now powerless heroine.  The rustlers drive her to a ghost town, pull her out of the car-- she's still struggling-- and together they drag her into an abandoned jail.  "You are a regular spitfire!" They laugh, tossing her in a cell.  The camera rests on Diana's distressed face.  "The jail cells [in ghost towns] always keep working," the rustler grins, and the two dash away.  At this point, Wonder Woman goes to the bars and attempts to bend them.  Nothing happens.  The hopelessness of her situation is brought home extra hard when she looks down at her waist, sees no belt, and holds her hand at her stomach, probably queasy with fear.

Welp.  This sucks.

I can see some complaining about this part.  And you do wonder why these rustlers, so skilled when it comes to capturing America's greatest heroine, decide it's best to just LEAVE HER in the jail cell of a ghost town.  But we can't have it all.  I think the shot of Diana feeling her unbelted waist is worth whatever opportunities the screenwriters might have blown.

That's pretty much it.  The kids come save the day.  Wonder Woman gets her belt back and then beats up the rustlers real good.  You have to think that this encounter will stick with our heroine, though.  On one seemingly normal summers' day in Texas, a few middle-aged nothings were able to make her completely helpless.  No mean feat.

This episode gets a 9/10.

INTRO: Why Wonder Woman?

If you're a fan of superheroine peril, then Wonder Woman is your SHOW.

Simply put, it's the one time in the history of mainstream entertainment (as far as I know), when everything came together.  A beautiful woman playing a sexy superheroine was knocked out, tied up, or put in peril in practically every other episode... And it happened on broadcast television.

There is an almost shameless eroticism in Wonder Woman that is completely lacking in most superheroine films today, even (perhaps especially) those that have been made specifically for the superheroine peril crowd.  Which is kind of odd, because the show was made in the 70's, and seemingly for a broad audience.  By the standards of 2015, the show is spectacularly innocent, with nary a scene of violence or explicit sexuality.  Yet you will rarely find a superheroine peril fan who will not attest to the life changing pleasures of watching Lynda Carter being chloroformed in "Fausta, the Nazi Wonder Woman," or gassed and rendered unconscious in "Baroness Von Gunther."

There's thus a tension in the show.  On one hand, it is an innocuous, often cute saga of a feminist icon beating up Nazis (usually by, err, throwing them).  On the other hand, it is a strange fantasia of deviant sexuality, with wonderfully juicy scenes of bondage, humiliation, de-powerment, and struggle-- of a superheroine being put in peril.

I think it's this very opposition which gives the show its thrills-- a sort of excitement that could never be captured by a producer making stuff exclusively for the peril set.  You get a little tingle of surprise watching "Wonder Woman"... A weird sense that something dangerous is really happening.  The show was designed to show a superheroine being super: so how come she is so often made, well, not super?  Was there something about Lynda that just FORCED writers to put her in perilous situations?  Wonder Woman can lift cars.  Wonder Woman can beat up men.  Wonder Woman can deflect bullets.  So how come Wonder Woman can be rendered powerless so easily?

Fight fans may scoff.  And it's true that she was never "beaten up."  But that was mainly because, at a certain point, beating up the poor lady would be pointless.  When Wonder Woman is beltless, or under the spell of chloroform, she is, as pointed out in "The Bushwackers," only as strong as a normal woman.  On TV in the 70s, this means she's pretty damn weak.  Therefore, when Wonder Woman is defeated on her own show, she's hardly even a superheroine: just a damsel in distress.

It's the transition from mighty hero to damsel... That's the point.  That's why we care.  No other superheroine made that transition quite like Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman.  There were other heroines before her, sure.  Yvonne Craig as Batgirl had her share of obsession-worthy perilous encounters (I'm especially a fan of the classic "Cat's Whiskers").  But Batgirl was always just that-- a girl, and a knockoff of another hero-- so when she was defeated, it never quite registered the same way as "Fausta."  (At least for one person...)

Since Wonder Woman, there hasn't been anything quite like it.  The closest superheroine peril fans ever came to a mainstream show of its caliber was "Black Scorpion," which was definitely heavy on sexy knockouts, and placed a emphasis on the heroine losing in combat that "Wonder Woman" could never had.  But that show really only pretended at the kind of campy, perilous delights that "Wonder Woman" reveled in.  I mean, it didn't even have chloroform, for crying out loud!

This blog will be dedicated to reviewing the most perilous Wonder Woman episodes.  If I can captured in words at all the experience of watching Lynda being tied up, I will count it as a success.  If not, well, you know what to do.