"Judgement from Outer Space"

"I am a prisoner, and thanks to you, they have my belt and my lasso. So I am as helpless as you."

This could be bad

"Judgement from Outer Space" is all about Wonder Woman trying to convince an alien to not blow up the earth.  At this task, she succeeds... But only after a series of failures that might make a different alien wonder if such a clumsy woman is really up to the task of defending a whole planet.  It's a fine series of episodes, altogether, with a few great scenes of peril and a general theme of helplessness for our heroine.

What makes "Judgement" especially tasty for at least one viewer is the saga's villain.  A Nazi spy masquerading as an American reporter, "Bjornsen" ends up being one of the trickiest foes in the history of the show.  He is able to carry out his vile operation right under the noses of the American military, and after he captures Andros, the aforementioned alien, he brings the Third Reich desperately close to victory.  Oh, and he twice beats America's greatest superheroine without even trying very hard.  There's a nonchalance, a quietness to Bjornsen's tactics that contrasts nicely with Wonder Woman's general loudness-- in her choice of wardrobe, in her fighting style, in her speeches about democracy-- a strategy that allows him to both knock her out and, in a real coup d'etat, steal her magic belt.

The bracelets don't help much with gas, sadly

The two opposites don't meet as their "real" selves into well into Part One of "Judgement."  Up till that point, most of Wondey's scenes involve dealing with Steve and dealing with Andros.  Though these are not particularly, uh, exciting sequences, they do contain their share of, let us say, implied delights for Wonder Woman peril fans.  From the moment Andros and Wonder Woman meet, there's both a sense of understanding as well as real tension.  Wonder Woman realizes that Andros is the real deal, and speaks to him in a guarded, nervous way that is uncharacteristic for our heroine.  And for his part, Andros quickly sees through the facade that is "Diana Prince."  Shortly after Andros is first attacked by Nazis, he lets Diana know that he knows what she knows:

Diana: "Are you all right?  I notified the police."
Steve: "It's okay, Diana.  It's all over.  We had a little help from Wonder Woman."
Andros [staring at Diana]: "Yes, it's fortunate that Wonder Woman was so close at hand.  Isn't it, Yeoman Prince?"
Diana [look of worry]: "Yes it was... Very fortunate."

Wonder Woman meets her new butty.  I mean "buddy."

This somewhat awkward encounter leads to a long talk with Andros and Wondey regarding humans and earth and blah blah blah.  Government positions on Andros flip-flop, Bjornsen moves closer into the interior circle of the military... The plot moves along.  Then, finally, both Diana and Bjornsen learn that Andros has stationed himself at the Library of Congress.  And it is here, of all places, that Wonder Woman first gets herself in major trouble.

Bjornsen and a team of Nazi thugs move to apprehend Andros.  Diana, on top of it as always, spins into her alter ego and jumps, literally, into action.  She swiftly uses an arsenal of flips and throws to dispatch the henchmen.  Bjornsen, sensing he is outmatched, retreats to the far side of the library, compelling Diana to just fucking RUIN American history and topple a series of bookcases over like priceless, irreplaceable dominoes.  Bjornsen tries the door, but it's locked, and can only watch as Diana walks confidently over the fallen book shelves and move in for the kill...

This shot might be worth more than all of that ruined priceless literature

...But just as Diana gets within a yard of Bjornsen, the Nazi shows his resourcefulness.  The triumphant "Wonder Woman!" theme dies as Bjornsen pulls a small gun from his jacket and fires a gas bullet at our heroine's feet.  Caught completely off guard, Diana can only raise her arms and cry out in terror.  The gas instantly overwhelms her, and when it clears, a coughing, half-conscious Wonder Woman falls ass backwards to the floor.  She's out!

Almost got him.  Almost.

Bjornsen and his men all find their bearings and escort Andros off the premises, leaving Wonder Woman in an adorable unconscious bundle on the floor of the Library of Congress.

This is one hell of a knockout scene, even if some of the individual shots are unfortunately, well, ill-advised (the potential "money shot" of Wondey falling to the ground is obscured by both the fallen bookcases and the "frame" of the aliens' space viewer (Andros' friends watch the whole sad show go down on LIVE TV!  Wow!)).  It's a classic "tables turned" scenario: Wonder Woman shows up, ready to kick ass.  Never suspecting any kind of challenge, she proceeds to mow down a few henchmen.  But once our heroine encounters a foe with more than a pea-brain, she is almost immediately and very definitively defeated.  That defeat scene is particularly memorable, with Lynda's reaction shot played to perfection, and the final zoom-in on the unconscious Wonder Woman almost unbearably sexy.

Awww

"Fifteen minutes" after this defeat, reinforcements for the good guys show up.  Medics carry Wonder Woman off the premises on a stretcher (her body is sadly covered with a sheet).  We're told she's near DEATH-- the gas was a poison-- and she's appropriately shown to the hospital.  The next time we see her, she's resting in a chair.  Her Amazonian powers have been able to neutralize the poison, but she's still weak.  She talks to Steve about what went down.  Of Bjornsen, she mumbles, "He must have had this very carefully planned out.  Including the escape."  She seems to be referring here to her own defeat.  It's great to hear, but I think she could afford to be just a little more self critical, don't you?  Bjornsen's "escape" from Wondey was based on little more than a gas gun.  That doesn't seem like much planning, and I wonder if Wonder Woman isn't exaggerating just a little bit to excuse the ease with which she was knocked out.

Ever the trooper, Wonder Woman insists on going out to look for Andros' spaceship.  She springs to her feet, but cannot take a step before she gives a slight sigh and stumbles into Steve's arms.  "Careful, careful," he says.  "I'm alright," she responds.  Neither we nor Steve believe her.  "You can't go!  You've been poisoned!" he offers.  "Steve," she intones, weakly, "I'm going... To find... the spacecraft myself.  I'm alright."

It seems as if Wondey is more than a little perturbed about her prior failure.  So back out into the world she goes.  She locates Andros' spaceship, and is able to "whistle" her way inside.  But a security system goes off!  Loud noise!  Ahh!  The final shot in Part One is of Wonder Woman holding her head and giving out a silent yell.  Will Wondey be able to figure out Andros' ship?

That looks... Painful

We jump to "Judgement" Part Two and the answer is, well, yeah.  Though the invisible walls and crazy sounds put our heroine in a bit of distress, Wonder Woman eventually makes contact with Andros' alien pals.  "Two weeks later," Yeoman Prince learns of where Andros is being held.  Wonder Woman takes off to Germany to rescue humanity's hope from the Nazi interrogation center.

Does this sound familiar?  Andros is in trouble and doesn't know it.  Wonder Woman is speeding to the rescue.  It's nearly identical to the Library situation in "Part One."  The parallels continue when, while Andros is being wined and dined by his Nazi abductors, our heroine busts into the center, "Wonder Woman!!!" theme song blaring.  She breaks down the doors, flips a Nazi, and rushes to Andros.  "C'mon, I'll get you out," she says.

Christ, woman... Look behind you!

Andros doesn't come, though.  The Nazis move in.  Wonder Woman initially pays them mind, but soon is consumed by Andros' conversation.  He insists that the Nazis are no different than America's Republicans and Democrats.  Eager to convinced Andros otherwise, Wonder Woman ignores her foes, who have begun to surround her.  Seeing an opportunity, a woman Nazi lunges at Wonder Woman, grabbing her by the arm.  Our heroine, not quite surprised by this sneak attack, turns around, grabs her foe my the arms, and pushes her away.

Not too much of a challenge...

The Nazis behind Wonder Woman now see THEIR opportunity.  As she stands with her butt facing the camera, a different Nazi snatches her by each arm.

...But there is strength in numbers.

She resists slightly, but not enough: hardly a second passes before a hand takes Wonder Woman's belt with an ultra-satsfying velcro RIPPPPPP.  The camera pulls back to reveal who else but Bjornsen now in control of our heroine's most significant power items.

There...

...And gone!

Wonder Woman is, as you can imagine, more than a little worried about this sudden turn of events.  Her looks of fear as the Nazis wrangle her in place are priceless: very rarely do we see our heroine in such a state of utter helplessness.

And that's when it hits her.

She can only look back and forth, from Bjornsen to Andros, in disbelief.  With her free hand (the other is locked securely in Nazi grip) she touches her now beltless waist.  How did Bjornsen know about her power source?  Has he been consulting the "Fausta" file?  We are not told.  But, once again, his simple cunning is able to easily outwit Wonder Woman's door-busting bluster.  He steps back and points his gun at his newly depowered foe.

"Hmm... Something's missing..."

"You are an honored guest," he says to Andros.  "And you," he says, grinning at our heroine, "Are are very different kind of guest."  Wonder Woman manages a kind of glare as her Nazi captors hold her arms in place.  Bjornsen smiles.  "Take them away."

Wonder Woman gives us one really nice head thrash-- a final bit of struggle from a heroine who knows she's in deep-- before the Nazis easily turn her around and direct her through the interrogation center.  She and Andros leave the room and Bjornsen, who looks at Wondey's power items-- belt and lasso-- with curiosity.

I don't think that's going to work.

In the next scene, Bjornsen and the Nazis discuss their new captive.  They don't say anything too interesting, though, at least not compared to the next scene, where the powerless Wonder Woman and the powerless Andros talk for real.  Again, they go back and forth about the differences between Americans and Nazis.  If for nothing else, this scene is great for the shots of Lynda's beltless waist.  But it also has a few bits of juicy dialogue like the italicized portion above.  Bjornsen and his scientist pal look on in delight.  "I want nothing, nothing to happen to her," the scientist says.  "Well," responds Bjornsen, "I will be careful."

Opportunities wasted

And so he is.  Too, too fucking careful.  An opportunity for great fun with a helpless heroine is spoiled here.  No scene after these in any way measures up to what's come before.  The Nazis, in other words, lose their nerve.  For some reason, they refuse to even shackle up their star-spangled captive: she and Andros are free to walk all over the center.  There is a nice shot of Wondey's power items laid out on a Nazi table.  At one point, she is slightly menaced by a Nazi when she is separated from Steve.  I guess all of this is kind of fun: Wonder Woman being carted around here and there, her items a total mystery to the Nazis, etc.  When Bjornsen can no longer take any more of Andros' talk, he demands that the Nazis "START ON HER!." i.e. do harm to Wonder Woman (our heroine strikes half a fighting pose in response).  It's not a total loss, but one does wish we could get the kind of "Wondey in Nazi territory" bondage that we get in, say, "Fausta."  One also wishes that Bjornsen would show the kind of casual ingenuity that has allowed him to defeat his foe TWICE in one story.  Alas...

I should be grateful.  "Judgement from Outer Space" is probably one of the most perilous tales for Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman.  The whole gamut is run-- from knockouts to manhandling to de-belting and general distress-- and is truly makes me question Andros' final assessment of Wonder Woman.  Shouldn't the real "hope for humanity" be able to see a bit of gas coming?  Or be able to prevent a couple of thugs from de-powering her?  Maybe.  But maybe this flawed woman, this Blunder Woman, is exactly the sort of heroine we humans deserve.

RATING: 9/10